Sometimes an essay by a humorist can accomplish more than the efforts of a thousand political activists. This was brought home to the Watchdog by a Harry Golden article entitled “The Vertical Negro Plan” from “Deadline Artists, America’s Greatest Newspaper Columns” by Jesse Angelo and Errol Louis.
Golden published this famous column in the Carolina Israelite in 1956. This was the end of the President Dwight Eisenhower’s first term, during the early years of Civil Rights movement, and a full seven years before President Lyndon Johnson launched his “Great Society”. Furthermore, it was published in the ‘Deep South.’
Here is an extract from the Jewish Women’s Archive
“The Vertical Negro Plan
“…One of the factors involved in [North Carolina’s] tremendous industrial growth and economic prosperity is the fact that the South, voluntarily, has all but eliminated VERTICAL SEGREGATION. The tremendous buying power of the twelve million Negroes in the South has been based wholly on the absence of racial segregation. The white and Negro stand at the same grocery and supermarket counters; deposit money at the same bank teller’s window; pay phone and light bills to the same clerk; walk through the same dime and department stores, and stand at the same drugstore counters.
“It is only when the Negro “sets” that the fur begins to fly.
“Now, since we are not even thinking about restoring VERTICAL SEGREGATION, I think my plan would not only comply with the Supreme Court decision, but would maintain “sitting-down” segregation. Now here is the GOLDEN VERTICAL NEGRO PLAN. Instead of all those complicated proposals, all the next [state Legislature] session needs to do is pass one small amendment which would provide only desks in all the public schools of our state — no seats.
The desks should be those standing-up jobs, like the old fashioned bookkeeping desk. Since no one in the South pays the slightest attention to a VERTICAL NEGRO, this will completely solve our problem. And it is not such a terrible inconvenience for young people to stand up during their classroom studies. In fact, this may be a blessing in disguise. They are not learning to read sitting down, anyway; maybe standing up will help. This will save more millions of dollars in the cost of our remedial English course when the kids enter college. In whatever direction you look with the GOLDEN VERTICAL NEGRO PLAN, you save millions of dollars, to say nothing of eliminating forever any danger to our public education system upon which rests the destiny, hopes, and happiness of this society.”
As if the notion of the Vertical Negro were not enough, Golden goes on to recommend that black adults be permitted to borrow white children to take with them to the segregated art cinemas so the blacks could gain admission. (The term “African-American” wasn’t yet in common use.)
He finishes by suggesting that “For whites” water fountains next to “For coloreds” fountains be disconnected with signs stating “Out of order.” He predicts in a few days whites would begin using the fountains designated for blacks. He then suggests that “Out of order” signs be put on all fountains for whites, thus de facto ending such discrimination.
President Eisenhower, who quietly did far more to further civil rights than his immediate successor, may have benefited from the suggestion. He ordered the “For whites” and “For coloreds” signs painted over at the latrines of the last segregated Southern army base. Despite fears from the Pentagon, there were no protests.
