Alas, it is only April Fool’s day

A team of investigative reporters borrowed from the New York Times and the Wall Street Journal, report the following:

1) Lancaster Mayor Rick Gray announces that CRIZ funds will be used to acquire the long vacant Bulova Building and the troubled Lancaster Hotel and Annex. The sites will then be sold by the city to a major developer for erection of upscale condominiums.

2) A subsidiary of Lancaster Newspapers has filed papers with a local court asking to replace the High Company subsidiary as sole general partner of Penn Square Partners. Penn Square Partners is the equitable owner of the downtown Marriott Hotel. A newspaper spokesperson apologized for what occurred over the past decade and assured that future conduct by Penn Square Partners will be consistent with the high standards of past Steinman Family generations. The Lancaster Newspapers, Inc. has agreed to renegotiate the contracts with the Convention Center Authority to comply with industrywide norms.

3) A prestigious citizens group has formed to conduct an investigation of the mishandling of the sewer treatment station’s over flow problems by the City of Lancaster. They say they want to come up with long term solutions, not short term ‘fig leafs.’ They will research construction of storm sewer lines to redirect some storm water from the combined sanitary sewer lines. The plan will be implemented over the next two decades in five stages.

4) Lancaster General Hospital will open its board meetings to the media and public and has named a half a dozen people of color and from minority groups to its board of trustees.

5) Wells-Fargo Bank has acknowledged that the funding of the convention center should never have taken place by Wachovia Bank, which Wells-Fargo acquired out of near bankruptcy. To show good faith, it has waived all SWAP requirements and set the bond interest rate at LIBOR plus two percent.

6) The Lancaster Library System has concluded that its creaton a few years ago was a just a costly and bad idea and will shut down, turning what services it performs back to the individual libraries.

7) Governor Tom Corbett has withdrawn his re-election bid after accepting responsibility for ‘slow walking’ the Jerry Sandusky investigation and railroading the firing of Coach Joe Paterno.

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