HUFF NEWS: …. In [Dr. Eric Anderson’s] study of 120 undergraduate men, 78 percent of those who had a partner cheated, “even though they said that they loved and intended to stay with their partner.” Contrary to what we may think, most men aren’t cheating because they don’t love their partner, he says; they cheat because they just want to have sex with others. And society shouldn’t pooh-pooh that.
Monogamy’s stronghold on our beliefs — what he calls monogamism — brings ostracism and judgment to anyone who questions or strays from its boundaries. That doesn’t make sense to Anderson, who wonders why we stigmatize someone who has a fling more than couples who divorce — throwing away a marriage rich in history and love, upsetting their kids’ lives — over something like sex….
Infidelity does not break marriages up; it is the unreasonable expectation that a marriage must restrict sex that breaks a marriage up. One of the reasons I wrote the book is that I’ve seen so many long-term relationships broken up simply because one had sex outside the relationship. But feeling victimized isn’t a natural outcome of casual sex outside a relationship; it is a socialized victimhood. I’m not advocating cheating; I’m advocating open and equitable sexual relationships. When both in the couple desire this, when both realize that extradyadic sex makes their partner happy, and they therefore want their partner to have that sex, a couple will have moved a long ways toward facilitating emotional honesty, while simultaneously withering at jealousy scripts, which can be very damaging to a relationship. But if one can’t achieve this with a partner that’s hostile to the idea, cheating is the reasonable action. … (more)
EDITOR: Please don’t shoot the messenger!
This is absolutely the best article I have ever read! Thank You newslanc!
Shoot you? Why would I want to do that? Garlands of flowers round your neck (actually called a lei) and rose petals at your feet. May you live to see the storied Muslim martyr’s reward in your own lifetime, even if it takes a “tool box” of pills and supplements.
What a wonderful world of surprises; “Wow, you could be my daughter, who was your mother? Did you know her? Why . . why, you would then be . . my, my . . . aunt! ”
Exciting! As good as the sex is the mystery of who, spawning a whole new venue of farce. This would certainly eclipse our E.dysfunctional political version of the genre, and, an absolutely wonderful diversion from painful, difficult, heartbreaking, reality, and, yet one more beautiful consumer product to wonderfully entertain us as we slide away from history.
Escape! There is nothing that means anything anyway and certainly not sex! It means what? Don’t be ridiculous! Go for it! Just do it! Reality be damned, it’s just too gd difficult.
“Shoot the messenger”? Not me. Certainly not me.