In my early thirties, from approximately 1970 to 1972, I undertook twice a week hour long psychotherapy sessions with Jonas Kolker, MD.
Wife Terry and I were living in an apartment in Wheaton, MD. His office was in his stately home in Chevy Chase, a nearby D. C. suburb.
Dr. Kolker appeared to be in his mid-forties. From the size of his home and the children toys in his yard, I pictured him as a family man.
Of course he did not discuss himself. In fact, he never discussed anything! In classical Freudian methodology, he simply asked questions. And sometimes there would be long periods of silence. Because of his disciplined reticence, I characterized Dr. Kolker as the Sphynx.
During the period of my therapy, our first child Richard was born. About eighteen months later there was some sort of incident that caused me to muse during a session whether we should punish him.
Suddenly the Sphynx spoke up, not with a question, but with a declaratory statement! “Mr. Field, research has suggested that no good comes from disciplining a child under the age of ??? “ (Did he say two or three? I don’t recall.)
I think we both were stunned. I, because for the first time in a year and a half Dr. Kolker had given me advice. He, because his paternal instinct had overwhelmed his professional discipline.
I still cherish that moment. And I remain grateful to Dr. Kolker who helped me to better understand myself and others, and whose influence remains with me to this very day.
